Konoha Chainsaw Massacre at the Drive In
by KibatheWolf97
Summary: CRACK/SLEEP FICTION written at 1:00 am after taking sleeping pills! Basically, the Konoha 12 are supposed to go see a movie but only Kiba and Ino show up... with chainsaws... Naruto and Sakura meet gangster squirrels, Choji thinks Shika is his Dad and everyone is a sailor mouth. I guess it's a funny story if you have a dark sense of humor. Rated T for language, blood and nonsense


((Ahmmm, I'm just gonna say that I wrote this... strange... one-shot at 1:00 am on sleeping pills(prescription and not exceeding the normal dose! Relax!)...  
My awesome Narutard sistah, Dreamy-chan, gave me the idea to make this a KibaIno-ish story that takes place at a drive in. I don't think she specified whether it should be a _**fucking weird-ass crack fic**_ or not...  
But here y'all go, **a really embarrassing** example of what I'm like on sleeping pills!  
**  
Read at your own risk**, things get bloody and everyone's a sailor mouth!))  
_

"Hey, relax. It's just a Friday night drive in, not a fucking Texas chainsaw massacre-"  
"Naruto, what the fuck are you going on about?"  
"I dunno, Sakura-chan… you still wanna go?"  
"Who's gonna be there?"  
"Well… uh…. I don't know… we'll just see when we get there."

The two friends jumped in Naruto's fucking Toyota Prius and they _drove_ to the drive-in because anyone who 'walked' to a drive-in was labeled a freaking half wit dipshit.

But somewhere along the way, there was this _democracy_ of obese squirrels just hanging around in the road probably selling weed or some shit... but they didn't move when Naruto's Prius came along so being the nice ditzy little blonde ninja he was, he literally parked the car and waited for the squirrels to realize that this wasn't a good place to pass a _blunt_ around or some shit…  
"Naruto, what the **_fuck_**!? Just run them over!" Sakura hollered.  
"_No_! They're innocent!"  
"Yeah right, they're wearing _**LEATHER JACKETS!**_"  
"IT'S NOT _REAL_ LEATHER THOUGH!"  
"We're gonna be late for the movie, baka!" Sakura jumped out of the car and began to shout at the squirrels, "**_MOOOOOVE!_**"  
The fattest out of all the squirrels crossed his arms, walked up to Sakura and bit her in the shin.  
"Ow, buck toothed _fucker_!"  
"I have rabies, **_bitch_**!" retorted the squirrel, his buddies began to cheer and laugh.  
Sakura looked at Naruto who was still in the Prius.  
"Guess we gotta take you for rabies shots now." Naruto shrugged.  
"_**FUCKIN' SQUIRRELS!**_" Sakura raged, going all Bruce Lee on their asses and curb stomping each and everyone of them.  
Naruto realized that maybe it wasn't a good idea to give Sakura a ride anymore because she was already rabid so he ran over**_ EVERYONE_** with the motherfucking Prius and went home, completely forgetting about the drive in.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru and Choji were chilling at home(well, Sasuke's old home) wearing little bunny ears and tails.  
"Shikamaru, **_why_** are we wearing these and **_where_** did Ino go?"  
"Sssssh." Shikamaru pressed two fingers against Choji's fatass lips, "The trees are tellin' me you're a-"  
"**WHERE'S INOOOOOO**." Choji whined.  
"Maybe she got _stuck_ somewhere on **SHUT THE FUCK UP** street." Shikamaru leaned forward and tore a paper plate in half.  
"But Dad I love you-" Choji squeaked.  
"I AM NOT YO _FATHER!_ I'M **_BATMAN_**" and with that, Shikamaru fell asleep.

About 50 miles west of the northern border of southern Konoha past the 40 mile marker in the southern half of **SHUT THE FUCK UP** street, there was a drive-in.  
But with only _two_ cars in it.  
"This is weird, I figured there'd be more people…" said the driver of one of the cars, a male.  
"Maybe they all died" chuckled the other driver, a female.  
"That's kinda… _dark_" said the guy, "**I'm Kiba.**"  
He looked at her and she looked at him, they were both sitting on the hoods of their cars staring up at the blank movie screen.  
"Y'know... I betcha someone got stuck on **SHUT THE FUCK UP** street…" said the girl, "**I'm Ino.**"  
"**_I know_**, we've known each other for 12 years…" Kiba sighed, "I just felt telling you my name because you're probably gonna be _screaming_ it later…"  
"So you're gonna_ fuck_ me after the movie?"  
"Wait,_ fuck_? **NO!** I aint-" Kiba covered his face with his hands, "...**_What_**!?"  
Ino stood up off the hood of the car, "You know, we really _are_ the_ only_ ones here."  
"_Aaaand_…?"  
"I think we should do something... hmmm... _out of the ordinary_…" Ino chuckled.  
"Like _whaaaaaat?_" Kiba asked.  
Ino stopped and laughed before reaching into her car and pulling out a chainsaw, "**LIKE A TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!**"  
"_**WHEEE!**_" Kiba hollered, reaching into his car and pulling out a chainsaw too, "**LET'S FUCK SOME SHIT _UP_!**"

But before they could even start the chainsaws, a**_ fucking Toyota Prius_** came smashing through the movie screen and they didn't even have to pay for the 3-D glasses, yo! Stuck to the wheels were squirrel guts and fur as well as Sakura's left ear… but of course Kiba and Ino couldn't exactly recognize that it was Sakura's ear because they were too busy running away from the**_ fucking Prius_**.  
"**THIS ISN'T MY HOUSE.**" Naruto screeched as he plowed the car through both Ino and Kiba's lonely cars.  
Kiba started up the chainsaw and chased after Naruto yelling, "ICE C_RE**AAA**A_**_A_A**AAM!"  
Ino started up her chainsaw and jumped on Kiba's back, accidentally_ taking off_ his ear but sticking it back on like nothing ever happened. She kissed the top of his head while he carried her around just fucking the back of Naruto's fucking Prius up with his chainsaw.  
Naruto didn't mind though, he was enjoying the sound of his car's bumper being _shredded to bits_ as well as the sweet smell of _**gasoline**_! He enjoyed it so much, that he turned his radio on to some sick dubstep to accompany the screeching chainsaw.  
"**THIS MUSIC'S THE SHIT, MAN!**" Kiba cheered, raising the chainsaw over his head but accidentally **_cutting a vertical hole in Ino's forehead_**. He wished he could replace the facial tissue like nothing had ever happened but thankfully, _Ino didn't mind_.  
"I could_ bedazzle_ the strips of skin hanging off my _face_, Kiba!" Ino giggled, hugging him tightly and covering his eyes with her hands.  
"Ino,** I can't see.**"  
"Good! Because this part of the movie's really kinda scary!" she slid off of Kiba's back but her hands remained on his eyes.  
"Why can't I hear you that well?"  
"Oh, nothing…" Ino said, then she called up ahead, "Naruto, if you want to know a shortcut to your house, just take a left from here onto **SHUT THE FUCK UP** street!"  
"**Thank you!**" Naruto cheered, waving goodbye and driving off again but only to stop for another _mob_ of _based squirrels._  
"I think I love you _more_ than chainsaws." Kiba admitted to Ino, throwing his live chainsaw on the ground but only to have it bounce back up and shred his shin, "**You hurt less.**"  
"You don't know that for sure." Ino giggled, "Let's do something else out of the ordinary…"  
And then they bloody fucked the gore out of each other until the cows came home(which never happened because Naruto ran them over on his way home too)

**THE FUCKING END, BIATCHESSSSS**

((I AM NOT SORRY  
Maybe embarassed...  
BUT NOT SORRY  
PRIUS OWNERS CAN FLAME THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BUT EVERYONE ELSE CAN'T.  
For a 1:00 am crack fic, I think this one had pretty good plot structure...  
MKAYBYE.))


End file.
